Saturday, March 9, 2013

Escapism

Escape, the Pina Colada song is a catchy little diddy. But have you ever really listened to the lyrics?
 It's about a man laying in bed while his wife (girlfriend?) sleeps next to him while he flips through the personal ads. He replies to an ad, based on the fact that the poster likes booze, fails to pay attention to the weather report, has let herself go, and is willing to settle for someone of mediocre intelligence. The man is so impressed by the low standards, he says we must meet IMMEDIATELY and gives the location.
He's sitting in the bar (likely to show how "into" the drinking he really is). His date walks into the bar and lo and behold, it's his wife/girlfriend. His girlfriend, who is there to meet another man. He, in eager expectation of meeting someone new, someone who just ... isn't his woman... and the reaction is "oh. It's you." Then they laugh. They laugh because they BOTH were about to have a random hook up with someone else... on a whim... because... Booze.






Thursday, March 7, 2013

Can't take me anywhere

I was invited out to lunch with  the "cool kids" from work for one of their birthdays. The waiter brought the check and the woman sitting next to me (who happens to be shorter than me, with long curly hair in a ponytail... oh and she's black...) had asked what the total was and the waiter handed the check to me because I "had asked about it". The woman next to me said "no, that was me".
I looked at the waiter and said "common mistake- we look a lot alike. People get us confused all the time!"


Monday, March 4, 2013

Just the tib...

Ever stand over someone at their desk and you accidentally look at their junk, just as they look at you. And you know they know where your eyes just were?


In a previous life when I was at  *large insurance company name here*, I often had to speak with a guy in another department. I started referring to him as TIBs which stood for Testicular Itch Boy. EVERY time I'd go to talk to him, he'd start diggin away at his crotch like he had buried treasure in there.

I've forgotten his name by now, both because it's been many lives since but also I referred to him so often as TIBs that his name escapes me.

Til next time!
x's and o's

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Lost- one slightly used spleen. If found, please mail to

I went for a hike today and as I came back down the hill and was walking towards my car, I  saw a man walking up the path towards me with two sticks, one waving side to side. I thought "oh wow rock on lil blind man!!!"

As he passed me, I saw he had a walking stick... 
and a metal detector. 


til next time!
x's and o's