I went to the mall this morning.... and the mall has this stupid entrance where if you're coming off the main strip into the mall lot, you just drive through. the opposite traffic and side traffic have stop signs and no one understands how to use the intersection.... people on the side streets just drive through and the people coming off the street will stop at the intersection and let other people go... which ticks me off massively. so I always go down the street and take the delivery entrance to the back of the mall where there's no stupid crap like that going on. and bonus- the store I shop in at that mall has its entrance at the back of the building so YAY ...
I drive into the back lot and take a right turn to find a parking spot. it's a sharp turn and some numbnut in an SUV is parked right at the edge so it's difficult to see as i turn... so I go around the corner slowly and I see this smaller SUV/crossover/douchemobile coming at me head on in my lane. I slow to almost stop and I'm looking wide eyed and kinda 'DUDE WTF?!?!?!?!' and the guy moves to his lane just in time and he starts staring at me out the window as our cars pass and starts flappin his gums as if he's bitching at ME for HIM being in MY lane! So I give him a friendly little "hello" as he passes by and as I pass the back of the car I see a sticker for security/police of some sort on the rear window but the vehicle is not otherwise marked. I pull into the first spot I find and then I see the guy take a right around the lot and comes back around to behind my car and then he stops behind my car and is checking out the car and i see him on a walkie talkie... I assume taking my plate information for ... whatever.
I'm Totally freaked out thinking this jackass is a mall rent a cop and is taking my plates down to ticket me once I go in the mall for some made up violation or ... whatever ...
He passes me and goes around the lot one more time... and I'm shaking like crazy ... so I pull out of the spot and leave the lot... taking a right (instead of the usual left I'd take to go home) to avoid passing the front of the mall in case he comes out on the road and starts following me or something ... (I had watched him drive around the back of the building to go out the other side so it wasn't unrealistic!
So I'm about to just ... flip the fug out and I drive up the road a bit into the industrial park and turn into one of the complexes and drive way back and then pull in front of an office building and get out of the car ...
And me ... in my ever present infinite wisdom ... I grab my warm up jacket and put that on .. and remove the magnet bumper sticker thing from the back of my car cuz I'm thinkin ... gee he won't recognize me OR my car now that we're in disguise!!!!!
I also took off my sunglasses and fluffed my hair. I would have put a
hat on but I didn't have a baseball cap in the car, only a wool one that
covers my ears and can tie on ... and it was mid 50s and I think that
would have been a dead give away...
While I'm parked I sent a message to my friend Brian who knows law enforcement stuff asking if he knows anyone at this mall that is a rent a cop and I tell him what happened and he tells me that I should be fine that the worse they could do is ban me from the property which ... OMG I hadn't even considered and this is the ONLY place I can go to that has my favorite store and so I'm plotting that if I get a notice banning me for flipping this guy off, I'll just park in a store lot across the street or down the street and WALK to the mall cuz ... I HAVE to go to that store!!!
What store is so important that I would consider wearing a disguise?
But not just any Talbots but their clearance warehouse where I can get jeans for 7 bucks!!!!!
In hindsight (as in, about an hour ago when my friend mentioned it) I should have called the mall directly and reported the guy for being a creeper and harassing me and/or to cover my butt if he tried to report me for something but ... well... that would almost have made sense. And also, I'm not sure what vehicle he was driving. It was not something I was familiar with at all.
Also- It may be worth noting that this all happened at the very same place as my previous mentioned escapades ... maybe it's a sign??
Til next time!
x's and o's