Tuesday, July 19, 2011

It's story time!

For my first real post I figured I'd start it off with and make a BIG impression with a story! (Brace yourselfs kids, because I like to tell stories!)

I had made corn on the cob and the pot was TOO HOT to pick up and dump the water out and so I left it on the stove and then just forgot about it. This morning I was getting laundry out of the dryer (which is in the kitchen) and as I passed the stove, I thought I saw something move... I turned and looked and ... I saw a  MOUSE in the dang POT!!!
It was not scrounging to get out... it was swimming. The thing was practically doing the back stroke. it was having a damn pool party in my corn on the cob water!!!!
I screamed loudly in my head (it was 6am and I didn't think neighbors would appreciate terror screams over a mouse) and I had visions of the thing launching itself out of the pot and directly at my face (alla Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation) and then running its cornonthecob drenched body all over my apartment and into every crevice, dripping it's nasty gross infested mouseness all over the place... in a very wet gross dirty manner.
I tore apart the butlers pantry and found my widest heaviest frying pan and slapped that ontop of the pot and then grabbed a kettle full of water and put that on top of the pan (in case my salty sugared cornonthecob water mutated the mouse and gave it super mousey strength and it some how was able to lift the heavy pan up off the pot and escape... because that's totally possible!!)  

As I got ready for work I could hear the thing just ... splish splashin away in my pot!! I covered my ears while I got ready for work and went into 'lalalalala i can't hear you!!!!!!' mode. 
I have NEVER got dressed faster in my life.. I was out the door like a shot!
I hate to beat a dead horse but... this thing was havin a pool party in my pot!! If I hadn't put the pan on top, I'm sure I'd have come home to 3 of it's friends in there with water noodles and a volley ball net set up in there... some frozen daquiris and beach music. I AM TRAUMATIZED!!!! He was practically doing the BACK STROKE IN MY POT!!

And of course you K N O W I took a picture before I slapped the pan on it ... I'm standing there trying not to look IN the pan... my arm outstretched and kinda aiming in the general direction and trying to push the button on the iphone to snap the pic while not ACTUALLY looking (you might not want to look if you're even remotely squeamish. I have yet to actually look. Not even looking now. I'm told it's fuzzy but ... that's what you get when you don't LOOK at what you're taking a picture)

Now you may ask 'Why didn't you just grab the pot and toss it out the window??' I live on the 3rd floor of 3 unit apartment house and it's an old house. The windows have full length screens that I'd have to take out and again ... the image of Christmas Vacation was flashing through my mind and ... Murphy follows me everywhere I go and I wasn't taking ANY chances!

So fast forward to 4pm when I get home from work. I come in through the down stairs door and I take a deep breath and steal myself. I take the slow walk up the stairs almost like it was me walking to MY death and not the other way around. Now, I should mention I may have a Teeny Tiny bit of vindictiveness in me... I have a couple who live downstairs from me who are just ... rude and inconsiderate (That's a post for another day!) and I soooo wanted to open up my back porch window and dump the pot (and pool crasher) out the side window onto their side of the house. But when I got home, I saw their cars were in the drive and ... while I would dump the water onto their empty drive to let them stumble on the carcass at random, I couldn't just dump it all onto their cars. (I have morals!!!) 
Outside my apartment back door there just happens to have been hanging a bottle of febreeze (yet another story) and so I grabbed the bottle and my trigger finger was ready in the event that I opened the door and was overwhelmed by the stench of decaying mouse carcass. 

I cracked the door open and, just in case, I did a couple quick squeezes and then walked in. It actually smelled fine. The stove was right there next to the back door and so I tentatively tapped on the pot to see if I could hear any movement of a possibly still alive mouse. JUST as I'm tapping the pot, my phone gets an email and it dings loudly and then vibrates and I'm pretty sure I died right there where I stood. At least for a moment! 
There was no response to the tap so I walked through the apartment and made sure there was not a single obstruction from the kitchen to the front of the house (oh my gosh I have to walk from one end of the kitchen to the other, through the dining room, through the living room, into the entry, and then step DOWN onto the front porch?! Are you KIDDING?!) It was a little wonky going at first (the fry pan slipped in my death grip as I picked it up but that was the only incident!) I made it through the house onto the porch and tossed it over the railing into the bush below. I was momentarily concerned due to the fact that the bushes were outside the window of my lovely first floor neighborlady however I figured the mouse was so well picked from salt and sugar and cornonthecobiness that some random animal was going to have a tasty treat tonight. 

Oh and the pot and pan? I put into the dishwasher. High temp. Super hot. Heat dry. Heavy wash. My logical part of my head knows that it's clean and okay after this wash but the heebiedjeebied in me really wants to run it at least another 4 times.... just because... 
And I washed my hands. A lot. I was channeling MacBeth! (No I did not use the peroxide that was ... well again, another story!! But I won't lie... I was tempted!) 

So that's todays story! Sweet dreams, kiddies! :)

Almost fell apart the place last night when I saw what was on TV before I went to bed:

I think the little guy is quietly exacting his revenge in a subtle mind-messing sort of way!!!

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